August 2009
The intensity of navigating the financial trial was very high. One night God gave me a picture of the pressure and difficulty bringing focus, so intense that it turned into a very powerful red laser beam.
My friend Daniel at one point that year had a related dream. In his dream, he and I and other pioneers of the New Breed were in a laboratory on a college campus. We were experimenting with lasers. At one point we had discovered a clear liquid that had amazing powers (Holy Spirit power). Everyone on campus wanted it. But what we found was people didn’t want it in its original, pure form – they wanted it their way. For instance, one person wanted it in an “orange flavor”. We knew in the dream that this was not possible – not the way it worked. A corruption. But it didn’t stop people from wanting their chosen version of it instead of the “real thing”.
To deal with this financial difficulty – we couldn’t service our debts and we couldn’t pay all the bills – I was wrestling with ways of obtaining, making or raising money. Well, I could fire-sale my race car or sell the boat. But I didn’t’ have any peace about that because God was telling me to trust Him and he would make a way. It felt like those ideas were fear driven.
Turns out that instinct was right, as when we did end up selling those assets years later they brought more than they would have fire selling in the midst of the “great recession”.
Survival instinct is very strong, and when you believe as I did at the time that faith in trusting God equaled Him giving me money somehow. If not we’re dead in the water. That was stinkin’ thinkin’ too. I was seeing everything through the lens of money. Without realizing it, I had made money the top priority. The only way to solve financial problems. Lack money? Need money? Get money. By prioritizing it, I was idolatrizing it. I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as a matter of practicality. Debits and credits. Logical. But the fact was (to use a project planning term) I was putting money on the “critical path” to achieving my objectives. This is tantamount to having it exceed or compete with God as the way to achieve something. You cannot serve God and money – Matt 6:25. I was serving money, but I didn’t perceive it that way. Apart from me you can do nothing – John 15:5. In making money the answer to my problems, I had essentially switched that around to mean something to the effect of ‘apart from money I can’t do it’. Remember that old saying? “Money makes the world go ’round.” And, “nothing a million dollars wouldn’t fix.” These are all lies.
It’s not money we need, its Jesus
Little by little, I saw God show up in miraculous ways that were not through money at all.
For example, after being tempted to feed the credit card collection beast with a little bit of cash her and there, I stopped doing that redirecting cash resources to basic needs. Later in the journey, God cancelled, forgave or settled all of that credit card debt. We are talking 100s of thousands of dollars of credit card debt. One debt was close to $30k that missed the statue of limitations. Other credit card debts in the $5-10k, $50-60k and $80-90k range, God dealt with uniquely each time and over time (which I explain in later chapters).
Gregg, I have to teach you new tricks
We made our way back to Connecticut from the cape to start the school year sometime in late August. We were really scraping bottom again with little to no cash. We were down to $200 from $14k gift just two weeks prior. Most of that went to the mortgages, giving, and office rent.
And all of our credit cards were now cut off. I just found in my journal that our last card – American Express – cut off on August 15th. Having put many routine bills that we would normally pay cash for, I had put on credit cards. I remember that the AMEX was particularly hard to do that with because many people didn’t accept it as payment for bills. But now, all credit or payment cards were cut off. All we had was our debit cards, but no money in those checking accounts.
I remember that coming up with registration fees for the kids sports was difficult. What about school supplies? Health insurance payments? Groceries? School lunches? I was desperate. I was crying out to God day after day. What do we do Lord? We have no money!
One of the wrestling matches I was having in the midst of learning how God can do things with or without money, was about the biblical concept of sowing and reaping.
A distortion that came out of my word of faith background is what would be called today the “prosperity gospel”. The Word of Faith movement that Kenneth Hagin started in the 40s (part of the Voice of Healing revival) and led in the 70s the Rhema School (which was part of the Charismatic movement) and my forerunner, faith healer and entrepreneur Norvel Hayes came out of was a real movement from God. But, as with anything good, it can get distorted, become institutionalized and therefor mechanical rather than Spirit-led. This is how the so called “prosperity gospel” got out of control. Essentially, it took good scriptures like
Give and it shall be given unto you…
Luke 6:38
And, many other biblical promises that promise blessing to the generous. However, it has become almost like an ATM to Christians who are taught “you can’t out give God” and “If you have faith and do not doubt”. Give money here, and withdraw money there. Mechanical.
The corollary distortion to abusing the giving scriptures, is redefining faith to be “If I just believe for something hard enough, and have great faith, I will get what I want.” The problem with all of these so-called faith perspectives is self-centeredness. Instead of the “Lord’s will be done” and contentment with what God would have for us, it becomes like a game of “chicken” where I have to have faith to receive what I perceive I need (often times money). But all of this is a distortion and mis-application of the scripture.
In my case, going through this trial, I wanted to have so much faith that I even at times would immediately give away everything that was given to us, because in the “seed” giving mentality, you have to keep giving, even when it hurts if you have a greater need. Oral Roberts used to say “If you have a need, sow a seed.” That can be true where the Lord has shown you that. But if it becomes “I need to give this to get that, otherwise I’ll run out of money!” it has been misapplied.
I had misapplied it. In my desperation, I got caught in that “faith trap” and was giving to get (when being honest about it) out of fear. Then at some point that month of pressure and trial, the Lord said to me in some way something to the effect of
Not everything I give you is for sowing. Sometimes. it’s just for eating.
This is like the Lord’s prayer “give me this day my daily bread.”
It was the end of August now. In June we had received a $25000 gift. In July we got a $15000 gift. Now – no check had come. It was like a gut punch.
I reflected back on my experience in June of depositing that $2 bill. As I said, we were desperate. I was like, you know I have another $2 bill somewhere. Maybe lightning would strike twice and God would use the $2 again to multiply.
Our bank balance I think was something close to zero. This time I didn’t have any checks to deposit. I felt embarrassed to go up to a bank teller and say “$2 deposit please” and then have them hand me back my receipt and $2 bank balance. You’ve got to understand this is a Manhattan NY commuting town of Wall Street players and Fortune 500 executives living multi-million dollar homes with people having 5 and 6 figure balances sitting in their checking accounts earning no interest. But my desperation exceeded my embarrassment, and so I made my way down to the bank in Westport, sucked it up and did it anyway.
But nothing came of it. And I felt something was off in the Spirit.
Had I sought a mechanism to solve my problem instead of the creator Himself?
I decided to repent. That Saturday I was home in prayer and I felt led to undo my $2 deposit as part of repenting. I went down to the bank and asked the teller for a $2 bill by withdrawing $2. Embarrassed to ask about my balance since I assumed it was now zero, I went around the back door of the bank and ran an ATM balance inquiry. To my utter shock, the balance was not zero. It was $2228.88. What!? How could this be? Even stranger was 222 and 888. Such repeat numbers get my attention. Lord, why are you showing me 2s and 8s? I already explained that 2s can mean to multiply. And 8s can biblically mean “new beginnings.”
From the bank I went to drop off (or pick up) a medical form for our kids to play sports and go to school with the pediatric doctor’s office. After I dropped off the forms, I decided to stop in and see my friend Scott Hardy at his sailing and skating shop in Westport called the Boat Locker to say hello. Scott had sponsored me in windsurfing racing for years by selling gear to me for wholesale in exchange for word of mouth referrals and big “The Boat Locker” logos on my sails.
I left there and went back to my office downtown Westport. I was there praying and praising God for the miracles that had happened that day. I forgave those close to me who had doubted me and falsely accused me out of their own fears and concerns.
At some point, I realized my billfold was missing. The one I kept my checkbooks in. I started to retrace my steps. Maybe I left it at the bank. Maybe I left it at the doctors. Maybe I left it at the Boat Locker? I went to each location and when I reached the Boat Locker I saw a big life preserver in the window with the number “5” on it. I thought, that’s interesting. I went in and a guy who worked for Scott was sitting on some of the Aero swivel style chairs that Scott and I were sitting on earlier. I said, Hey did you happen to find my wallet? He felt underneath where he was sitting, and pulled it out from under his backside. “Oh”, he said, “I thought I was sitting on my Letterman” (a multi-purpose pocket tool)! Another reason to praise God.
As I drove back to the office once more, I put those things together and felt like Jesus was reassuring me. Like he was saying
You will recover all by my grace